Going on Indefinite Hiatus...

As someone who is neurodivergent, the line between interest and obsession is one with which I've always struggled. I'm incapable of dabbling or experimenting. Whether it's reading, reviewing, blogging, or something else, it's an all-or-nothing commitment - and one that usually comes with (self-imposed) obligations. It's why, if a book catches my attention, I'll buy an entire trilogy (or more) before even reading the first page of the first book. It's also why, when I find an author I like, I'll often go out and buy everything they've written just on principle. 

Because of that, when it comes to reviewing, there's often a compulsion for me to take on everything, to accept or request more review titles than I can possibly read. I go through cycles, (increasingly shorter) periods where I try to hold back, try to resist, try to reign myself in and focus on what I know I'll definitely, absolutely, positively read next . . . only to have that all fall apart the moment obsession returns. 

After a Sunday night doubling up on Beyond Oak Island & Oak Island, treasure hunting adventure novels come calling. After an episode or two of Lower Decks, I start browsing for sci-fi novels. Watch a strong woman character on a Suits or Yellowstone binge, and I start looking for thrillers with kickass heroines. Admire a romantic moment between Maze and Eve on our final season watch of Lucifer, and suddenly it's a romance I want to read next. Before you know it, I'm suddenly drowning in review titles that were perfect in the moment, and which I still want to read, just not necessarily right now.

Compounding all of that is the fact that I suffer from anxiety and seasonal depression, which have been growing worse as I get older. The prolonged darkness, cold, snow, and misery of October through April takes its toll, emotionally and physically, and the whole COVID experience hasn't helped. It used to be that, after a long day of being stuck in the house, we could go out for dinner (take-out only for much of the last two years), hit the bookstore (which closes at 7 instead of 10, when they're not restricted to curbside only), or run to a gym (which have been closed more than they're open, if they're not out of business entirely), but so much of that has gone away. 

The weariness, that sense of being trapped, that feeling of hopelessness, it all makes it even harder to deal with those review obligations, to the point where picking up a book becomes more of a chore than a pleasure, and choosing a next book is all-but paralyzing.

Then, just to add insult to injury, this winter I've had to face the fact that my eyes are aging along with the rest of me. It's getting harder to read in the evening darkness, and so much harder for me to switch my focus between objects at a distance and objects nearby. Something snags my attention, I make the mistake of looking up to see what's happening on TV, and when I look back down the words on the page are a fuzzy blur. They eventually come back if  I stare long enough, but that also means I go to bed more nights than not with a headache.

Long story short, I'm stepping away from blogging to focus more on reading (and, yes, reviewing). I'll keep posting pictures of current reads or purchases to my Instagram and Twitter, and I'll keep tracking my reading progress and reviewing books on Goodreads, but the blog itself is going on hiatus. Never say never, as I may find my way back, but as the third time's often the charm, this may very well be the hiatus that sticks.

Best wishes, good luck with your reads, and hopefully our paths will continue to cross elsewhere.


  1. Sorry to hear how difficult it's been, but I understand. The winter gets me down as well, and a month ago I suffered a chemical imbalance that led me to have panic attacks every day and depression, so your description of feeling trapped really resonated with me and I'd also just wanted to retreat from the world. Take heart that it will get better, and your self care comes first. I also recommend checking out audiobooks, my eye strain from reading at nights no longer became and issue, and it also helped me sleep.

    1. Thanks. I know I'm not alone, but it's still nice to hear it. And, yeah, anxiety attacks...December was rough for them, but 5-HTP has helped.

      I wish I could get into audiobooks, but they just don't work for me. Even at chipmunks speed I get impatient, and the wrong narrator pulls me right out of the story.

  2. Sorry to hear about the hiatus, but I totally understand. Sometimes breaks make you yearn for that thing you left behind, and sometimes they point you in a new direction. Take care of yourself!

  3. I hear you. This is something I struggle with as well (you may have noticed my huge lapses in reading or blogging) and I have to be super careful how I go about all of my hobbies lest everything suffer from a brief hyperfixation. At least if my book binges end with books I bought myself, there's less pressure.

    I hope this new direction works for you and you're able to find some semblance of balance (as hard as that can be for us). <3

    1. Hyperfixation is a great way to put it, and I agree 100% on there being less pressure with books we buy ourselves. Maybe once Spring comes I can find that balance again, but I feel like I need a clean break right now to buy myself that space.


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