WTF Weekend: The Green Tea Heist by Donald Armfield

Tommy Two is a man of fine tastes – cars, clothes, women…himself. But more importantly, Tommy Two is a criminal – the kind that specializes in a certain brand of crime. The Australian-born malefactor is an American-based pirate, robbing and pillaging high-brow cruiseliners for their riches. No matter the risk, Tommy is there to reap the rewards. However, the tone changes from bright to disgustingly bleak, all in the blink of an eye, when Tommy takes what seems to be an all-too-easy job. With the ease comes an easily overlooked, but dangerous, catch – he and a man named Benjamin are to escort, and document, the effects of something call “Green Tea”. A mysterious green fluid that induces fear, death, and grotesque forms of fornication among the undead victims. 

Is Tommy Two successful enough to pull off a sea-bound heist with the horrors of Hell biting at his feet? Sit back, have a cup of Green Tea, and prepare for a rip-roaring rampage through undead waters. Musically maniacal, Donald Armfield creates a chapbook filled to the brim with scenes of gratuity – blood, guts, gore, sex, and insanity. None of it to be taken too heavily, or too lightly, as the plot pounds with horror driven crime, and a sick sense of humor that rings back to the pulpy paperbacks of the yesteryears.

   

Told in the present-tense, with short, simple sentences that give it a sense of urgency, The Green Tea Heist is a story that starts weird, and then only gets weirder. Donald Armfield mixes mob heist with zombie horror, adding in visceral splashes of splatterpunk erotica, creating a twisted tale that's more than just a guilty pleasure.

It all begins with a truck load of toxic waste, a distracted driver, and a crooked sheriff. The story then shifts to incorporate a modern day pirate, a mob family, and the scientists who connect them all. Stealing a rare diamond from a cruise ship should be easy, but toss in a zombie plague, and suddenly you've got yourself a story.

The Green Tea Heist is a crazy-ass story - violent and disgusting, with sex-crazed zombies who feel no pain, and who will go to any extreme to satiate their taste for the most tender of human flesh. If you ever doubt that Donald (or certain parts of human anatomy) could go there . . . oh, they do indeed.


Paperback: 42 pages
Published: November 26th 2017
Published by: NihilismRevised

The WTF Weekend gang is group of readers and reviewers who enjoy Weird, Taboo, and Forbidden fiction that is most definitely NSFW. Join us every Saturday and Sunday for more twisted tales . . . and if you have a review to contribute, please contact us!

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