Thursday, March 24, 2016

An Open Letter to Will Klingner

Dear Mr. Klinger,

I am sure you are a wonderful person, beloved by friends and family, who truly wishes to help the world. You are clearly a true renaissance man, with limitless knowledge of the tea lifestyle, detoxing, caffeine, sugar, alcohol, SEO ranking, yoga, stress relief, herbal medicines, bone broth, old age remedies, weight loss snacks, smoothies, bonsai, and more - all of which you are eager to share with the world.

Judging by the 8 different email addresses you have used to submit your 17 review requests, I must also assume that you are a master communicator. Truly, it must be difficult keeping on top of so may conversations, and for that I applaud your dedication to your craft. Unless, of course, you have assistants, in which case please extend my compliments to Rayhan, Fahad, Willis, Mohammad, Abir, Rony, and the rest.

With all of that going on, it is completely understandable that you don't have time to read, especially for such nonsense as a review policy. While some people might assume you'd have noticed the bold red text regarding acceptable genres on at least 1 of your 17 visits, I understand. I do. When you are so busy giving advice to others, you can't possibly be expected to consider theirs.

Please, allow me to graciously take even more time out of my busy day to help you out by taking on the onerous task of doing all that inconvenient reading for you, and taking even more time to highlight those guidelines directly to you:
What you won't find here is faith-based fiction, religious themes, YA or NA fiction, romance novels, poetry, and self-help or how-to books. These are subjects that do not appeal to me, so please don't waste time your time or mine by submitting such titles.
In case there is still any doubt, your books fall under that self-help / how-to category.

I don't want them.

I don't care about them.

I don't ever want to see them again,

Please, stop wasting my time and yours.

Seriously.

Enough.

6 comments:

  1. Honestly, authors can be so rude about things like this! This one is VERY rude to submit 15 times and still not get the message.

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  2. LOL, awesome letter, and Lisa is right, he'll probably (unfortunately) never read this:-)

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    Replies
    1. I thought of emailing all 8 addresses, but I'm afraid what spam I'd get opted into.

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